That one long night when I was dead

That one long night when I was dead

The James Joyce Bar in Santa Barbara, CA. On November 13th, 2004, Julio's birthday and my resurrection...
The James Joyce Bar in Santa Barbara, CA. On November 13th, 2004, Julio’s birthday and my resurrection…

Open my eyes to darkness, can’t quite breathe, I notice her sleeping by my side, naked, draped, motionless. A sudden strange feeling in my chest distracts me from admiring her dormant breasts, a sharp feeling in my chest, like love but not really, I just met her…then shadows start dancing, taunting me, ridiculing me, coming at me, are they really coming at me? What is it they want?

Deep breath seems to never end, I can’t seem to get to the other end of it, shaking, trembling, teeth are clenching, palms are sweaty, shapes dancing in my eyes, like love but not really… we just had sex.
Darkness gets darker, and my lungs seem to get smaller, heart is racing, throat is closing, like love but not really… I think I’m dying.

I’m in and out of consciousness, reality, my head, I shake her naked body but she just lays there, naked, draped, motionless. I feel it slip away, I am slipping away, shaking, barely there, disoriented, lost, like love but not really… I think it was crystal.

Panic, fear, flying faces in the dark, dancing figures in the dark… I think I’m dying. A ray of light disturbs what could have been my final breath, like God but not really… I think it was my friend.

I leave her there, naked, draped, motionless, I stumble in to the world outside of our world, to the street, the breeze, the darkness, the moon light leading the way. Heart still racing, lungs still struggling, legs shaking but moving forward, into the night, into his realm, in to the raging dog, waiting in a silent bark for me to step in there. I don’t, I cross, never meeting his eyes. I walk out of his realm, into the night that gave me one more chance, that one long night when I was dead.



Twitter feed

Blake Vaz
@blakevazAug 21
Laz and Seth on the #roadtovoid @filmbloodstains #filmmaking #directing #carrig @ Lancaster,… https://t.co/w5nljclD9K
Blake Vaz
@blakevazAug 21
Our DP danielgbagby getting the shot of the lovely Isa (@fernandaromeroo) ignoring her BF Laz… https://t.co/e79hi5K0ny
Blake Vaz
@blakevazAug 21
What a pleasure working with talented and humble people. Gracias @hanselactor you brought Laz to… https://t.co/H5uyYkKGZH